


Understanding

by ambiguously



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Force Ghosts, M/M, May the 4th Treat, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 19:12:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10815000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: Luke isn't alone in his exile.





	Understanding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [karyatid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/karyatid/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [【翻译】Understanding](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13484397) by [Jiaoye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jiaoye/pseuds/Jiaoye)



In the third year of his exile, Luke goes mad. It's past time, he decides. He lost his family, lost his home, found out the monster ravaging the galaxy was his father, found out the woman he cared for more than any other in that same galaxy was his sister, all before he turned twenty-five. What happened with Ben, and his pupils, and everything that followed have been the fruit slice atop the giant failed frosty treat of Luke's life. He's long overdue for a breakdown.

He sits on the shoreline of this haggard island, wearing not a scrap of clothing and screaming at the sea. This lasts two hours, until the cold sinks into his bones and Luke is aware of how foolish he would look, were anyone else here to see him.

Someone is.

As Luke dons his robe, a familiar voice says, "Feel better?"

Luke ignores him. He gathers the rest of his clothes and his dignity, and stomps back to the shelter he's turned into his lonely home. Making no footstep, Obi-Wan's spirit follows him.

"I was alone for a long, long time," says the ghost of his first mentor, making himself comfortable in the small, dark room where Luke's bedroll and portable heater mark out the space. This square is home. Luke hasn't invited any guests. "It's easy to forget what others are like, when you have no one else to talk to."

Luke rests on his bedroll and closes his eyes. He has no use for hallucinations.

"You know better than that," Obi-Wan says, and he falls silent.

A day later, Luke digs in the wet clay in hope of growing a few weak vegetables. His rations are nearly depleted. Last year's tubers rotted in the ground. He's got to figure out a better means of producing more food, or he will be the only hidden exile in history who has to make regular trips to a supply depot. Master Yoda would be disappointed in him.

"Yoda lived in a rich biosphere, and he could digest almost anything, including bark. In my youth, I once saw him eat a rock."

Luke sighs. "I don't believe you."

"It did appear to be a very soft rock. I always suspected it was actually a small potato."

"Obi-Wan...."

"You don't call me 'Ben' any more." Luke finally looks at the blue figure, which watching him with a mixture of amusement and sorrow, the same expression he's had for Luke since they day they met. Years often pass between his appearances in Luke's life, although it seems he's here for a long visit this time. Luke wonders if he will find the words to ask Obi-Wan if he is looking at Luke, or at an old ghost of his own.

Luke sits back on his heels. "Leia gave the baby your name to honor the sacrifice you made the day we all met. I would rather not think about him now."

"You're doing nothing but."

"I failed him. I failed Leia and Han. I failed you." The only reason he's still alive is his fear that ending his struggle by his own hand will quake across the bond he shares with his twin and shatter her at the other end.

Obi-Wan's ghost sits next to him, untouched by the cold, muddy clay. "Your apprentice whom you loved like your own son turned to the dark side and destroyed everything you pledged your life to protect, and in your shame, clutching the last spark you could find of hope, you fled into a self-imposed exile."

"I don't know how to feel."

"Oh, were we talking about you?" Obi-Wan's face is the most expressive Luke has ever known, even past his death. His self-deprecation is dulled by the long-ago healing over of the wounds on his spirit. "It only feels like the end of the universe. You must trust in the Force and accept that things are unfolding as they should."

"How?" The bleak word steals away Luke's breath. "How did you survive feeling this way, like it was all your fault? How did you keep living?"

"I had you."

Luke shakes his head. "You didn't speak to me until I was nineteen."

"You and I met a number of times before then. You won't remember. My purpose was to keep you safe. Your life gave mine meaning. It is a gift I can never repay you."

"You saved my life, our lives. You've saved me since then. I'm the one who owes you."

"Then let us agree we are even. Luke, you are in pain. I know how you feel. I know you wish the ground would swallow you up. I have been there. I know you will get past it. Trust the Force, and trust yourself."

Luke senses something strange. The ghosts he's met are incorporeal, images of their presence in the Force rather than true bodies. Despite this, he feels Obi-Wan's arms wrap around his shoulders, drawing him into a spectral embrace as solid as any hug and echoing inside him with a deep love that has lasted all of Luke's life.

Not understanding, and not wanting to break this moment with a question, Luke falls into the touch and he accepts the love, and he feels ghost lips against his hair whispering that all things must end, all joys and all sorrows.


End file.
